My world had collapsed around me. The mask I wore had been ripped off, exposing me for who I really was: a human, blemished, with a serial habit of making mistakes. The world now knew that I was imperfect, despite all my attempts to persuade everyone otherwise. This was no nightmare with hope of awakening. This was my life with real people, real terror and real humiliation.

I was terrified to leave my house. The ringing of the phone sent me into a panic attack. I declined invitations to go out because I simply was too mortified to speak to anyone. I could feel judgment all around me. I decided life was easier and much safer where I could lock doors and silence my notifications.



By all accounts, I was clinically depressed. I understand that now. Living in the moment, however, I believed those who lived with depression were victims of tragedies beyond their control. Life had done something to them. Me? I had no justification for being depressed. This was the bed I'd made, and I was determined to lie in it without complaint.

Related: 8 Mental Disciplines More Powerful Than Self-Doubt

With intention and the right support, I realized the sources of my depression and got back to health. But strong feelings stir up now and again, and current events sometimes trigger vivid memories. I reflected on my journey earlier this month, when Jason Kander announced he was dropping out of the Kansas City mayoral race to focus on coping with his post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Kander was thinking suicidal thoughts even as he propelled himself to the height of his career.

“So many men and women who served our country did so much more than me and were in so much more danger than I was on my four-month tour," he said in his public statement. "I can’t have PTSD, I told myself, because I didn’t earn it.”

As entrepreneurs, we often make the mistake of thinking we can do it all -- and that we have to accomplish everything right now. These four false justifications aren't only unrealistic but also unhealthy and ultimately counterproductive to building sustainable success. Keep reading to learn how to reframe these arguments and discover helpful steps you can take toward real healing.

Related: 4 Things My Battle With Depression Taught Me About Entrepreneurship
Justification 1: “I didn’t earn it.”

How many of us have suffered in silence, like Kander did for so long? We rationalize we haven't endured long enough to complain because others have it worse than we do. Or we blame ourselves because we've made mistakes and wrongly decide the entire situation is our own fault.

Growing up, I heard my parents give plenty of advice: “Walk it off” and “Suck it up, buttercup” were favorites in our household. Whining only would get us sent to our rooms. My parents had little empathy for the hurdles we faced, and conversation rarely focused on emotions. We skipped right ahead: "What is the next step?" and "How are we going to fix it?"

Related: When Setbacks Happen, Ask This Question


To be fair, this mental fortitude has served me well in life. I spend little time dwelling on setbacks or heartbreak. I swallow them like vile-tasting medication and move on. In fact, I attribute my successes to my ability to get up and “walk it off” each time I fall.

This grit, though, is inseparable from the “I-didn’t-earn-it” mentality: I haven’t earned the right to be sad, complain, suffer from depression or develop PTSD. That’s an unfortunate connection, as research from federal health agencies and nonprofit professional associations affirms that entrepreneurs are far more likely than other adults to live with mental illness. This holds true across diagnoses including depression, ADHD, substance abuse/addiction and bipolar disorder.
Justification 2: “I should be happy.”

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